soul search, or something like that

I've come to the realization that I've lost a lot of readers. Though I still have followers, not many read anymore. I don't know how I should feel l about this but I can't be upset. I haven't been able to post like I want to. My schedule is crazy nuts, but I feel as though that excuse can only run so far. However I'm looking into purchasing a new laptop. Actually a Mac to be precise. My PC is more of a hassle than any sort of enjoyment. It's slow, it's clogged, it's not what I need it to be. Furthermore, I'm working on a solution! So hopefully that will help me back to blognation. It would cut my posting time in half which I seriously need!

Anyways. Moving onwards...

My weight has been bothering the piss out of me lately. I hate that I let myself get this out of shape. I've never been this...this... Oh what's the word.... LARGE before. I find myself tossing and turning at night not being able to shift my weight to a comfortable position. When I do get to that position it only lasts so long. Scientifically speaking I don't know if that's the proper term or not, but I'm not obese nor am I too far over weight. But I'm personally uncomfortable in my skin. I want to buy clothes and get excited about it instead of worrying. When I use to be in shape, I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty damn fashionable. I want that weight back. Now the decision. Yes, I want to lose weight but where am I suppose to find my motivation? With my crazy work schedule it's hard to think about exercising and healthy choices. Somehow I have to find a drive within me. I was actually jus reading a blog where they had pictures posted and I couldn't help but to be overwhelmed with jealousy! I'm never really a jealous person, so this is where this post comes into place. I need to reevaluate who I am as a person and what I want from my life. I think by digging down to the source of my problem(s) will somehow help develop that drive that I want and need.

So wth this being said, I ask that you pray for me as I go on a journey to finding myself and realizing my true wants, desires, and drives in my life.