chicken crossing

So over the past couple of days I have no had any time to post anything. I know that's what scheduled posts are made for but there's one thing I don't like about schedule posts. the scheduled post is posted, later that day I have time to kill and I've thought up something that I actually wanted to post thatday. It never fails. I mean I could schedule it for the following day, but then everything I want to post is going to be scheduled in advance and by the time it's posted, chances are I won't care about it anymore. Okay and this is where I'm losing you. Lol

So I met with a diet doctor, yes an actual diet doctor not one of those nutritionists at weight watchers, Wednesday evening. For short we will call him DH. I swear to you he was more excited about me losing weight then Honey and I combined. Maybe it was an attempt to get me excited, however after several failing attempts over the past four years I'm just not that excited anymore. I'm aware I give up to easily and it's my fault, not the diet(s). However normally I go for the cheap diets, if I fail not much money was lost. In the end the $ adds up. This time I have no choice, Honey paid a whopping $210 on this. There's no room for error. I cannot let him down.

The thing I liked loved about DH, he didn't sugarcoat shit. Some call him a whack, I call it brilliant. The first thing a diet doctor is going to tell you, okay maybe not the first but it will come up, is to drop the sodas. ALL sodas. Not DH. He didn't verbalize it but I saw where he was going with it. He's focusing on cutting the calories first rather than changing your lifestyle on the spin of a dime aka ending in total failure its too much of a lifestyle shock. He gave me the "okay" on drinking diet sodas, cutting the calories yet still giving me the pleasure of a nice cold soda. He even encouraged me to still keep drinking my coffee as long as I use a zero calorie sugar substitute. Perfect, I already use sweet-n-low

Secondly, he didn't love the fact that I smoke cigarettes but told me that we would eventually wean them out and get me to a healthier lifestyle. I'm okay with that. So I've been trying to watch my calories and choose healthier alternatives without overdoing it, I don't want to send myself into shock and start backing away. Last night Honey and I celebrated his nephews birthday at Outback Steakhouse. Now, I could've gone for simple grilled chicken but quite frankly I don't care if I ever eat chicken again after forcing it down so much. So I decided to still eat chicken rather than my normal fucking delicious extremely bad for you cheeseburger and fries but I decided to change it up hoping I saved some calories by going with the Alice Spring Quesadilla, the small portion 4 slices over the regular portion, 8. When it came out to the table I quickly realized it wasn't the best choice, even though it was grilled. I could tell it was greasy looking and I even mentioned it but Honey argued that it was probably just from the skillet and that it wasn't that bad for me. Now, coming from Honey it made me feel better just because when it comes to fitness he knows what the hell he's talking about. However, conversation was brought up this morning again about the poor seemingly okay choice of the quesadilla. The result? It was not seemingly okay at all. And just because I know Honey will read this, I'm going to go ahead and say it...I was right. When I first googles it, it didn't mention the portion size. When I told honey it said almost 650 calories, he quickly responded with "that's probably the regular size quesadilla, you got the small one". On that note, I had to find out the portion and what calories belonged to what.

The results:
Small portion, four slices: 623 calories.
Regular portion, eight slices: 1494 calories.

My lesson learned: just because it says grilled chicken, yes it may be healthier than fried, but it does not always mean it's the healthiest chicken choice on the menu. Which my dumb ass glued into 'grilled part' self decided to look beyond the cheese and the sautéed mushrooms along with the honey mustard dipping sauce. I should've browsed the menu beforehand, on the way there, to weigh my options...no pun intended. However I will pat myself of the back for taking my time eating it and not ordering my cheeseburger and fries. When asked by the waitress, I opted out on order a side dish. ::clap clap for my self control::

Hope everyones having a happy Sunday. Here it's soggy outside with wet roads and falling autumn leaves. I'm not ready for the autumn leaves to fall yet, bare trees means cold weather. I'm not ready for that yet, but that's a whole 'nother blog post for another day.

*side note, take today to look around with all God has blessed you with. Instead of dreading the work week starting tomorrow, thank God for blessing you with a job in order to put a roof over your head. Instead of being frustrated because your child(ren) didn't sleep in longer than you wanted, thank God for blessing you with fertility and the strength that got you through labor. When you start looking for all the blessings around you, you'll be surprised by what you've overlooked so many times before. And if you're not, then you're clearly not looking hard enough. "A faithful man shall abound with blessings, but he who makes haste to be rich, at any cost, shall not go unpunished." Proverbs 28:20

poor vagina

I don't know about y'all but I am the most impatient little bitch there ever was. Which its funny that I'm posting this today because yesterday I was just preaching to K about how he needs to just be patient. Anyways, I'm trailing off here, I'm currently sitting at my doctors office waiting for the raping of my vaginal area, also referred to as a "well woman's visit" or "pap smear". My gyno is located in just a regular family physicians office thus meaning I'm in the waiting room with a bunch of sickies. As I'm sitting here I can feel the germies just floating around. I better not get even more sick after this, i'll be one pissed impatient little bitch.

Anyways, as much as I go to the doctors you would think that I would be use to this shit. But I freaking hate waiting a damn hour just to have my vag raped. The last time I scheduled a rape I ended up leaving after waiting two hours. What the hell are they possibly doing back there? Was there another rape booked before mine? Because if so that bitch must have one hairy bush that they have to take a weed eater to first. I'm just saying, what else would be taking so long?

As long as the assholes doctors make me wait, I'll end up dying in this bitch. At least its decorated nicely. Sigh.

freaking bitch

Today has been a series of "...freaking bitch" moments. Elaborate shall we? You know those things that just randomly happen and all you say to yourself is, "...what a bitch!" yeah, that's my freaking bitch moments.

It all started at work, as it normally does, I had two order placements go out this morning. One a delivery, the other a pickup. So as I go about my morning I go to find out what all I need. Tell me why I mistakenly make way too much for an order because I mistook the item for something else. Oh hell. ...freaking bitch.

My face, yes that beautiful thing that it is, is breaking out like a 15 year old teeny bopper that is in the midst of a bad case of puberty. ...freaking bitch.

Tell me why every time I work extra hours at work and get less sleep I end up getting sinusitis? Hard work, lack of sleep...freaking bitch.

Speaking of the sinusitis deal, I went to the doctor today. Why the hell do I need to fill out 3 pages of paperwork every time I go to the doctors office. Come on now, this isn't my first rodeo... I'm here at least one a month! ...freaking bitch.

Oh no, I'm not done with this doctor bullshit yet. Tell me why the front desk "nurses" were acting like snobby little cunts. Seriously, you're sitting on your fat ass playing on a computer with the occasional answering of the phone and maybe a few views of some paperwork. Yes, you have every reason to be snobby (rolling eyes and laughing) NOT. ....freaking bitch(es)

I could seriously keep ranting about my freaking bitch moments, but I'm going to stop now before I raise my blood pressure by getting angry all over again Ha!

Hope y'all are having a fabulous Tuesday bitches! :)

Heart Broken

I have had the worst past couple of days, wait let's make that week. First it started with me being sick. I have a UTI (urinary tract infection) and though it was suppose to clear up with one round of medicine it didn't due to it's severity. I didn't really realize anything serious was going on so of course, just like anyone else who has spent the majority of their last few years in a doctors office, I procrastinated on going to the doctor, leaving me with a UTI so bad that it set up infection between my kidneys and galbladder. Which of all things that have happened that's really the least of my worries. Due to being sick I've been out of work for over a week and a half now which doesn't help me at all with a car payment coming up and no money to pay it... not even half of it.

So as if all this has not stressed me out enough, I went to my boyfriends house last night and broke up with him. Now, under most circumstances I should not be upset but under the circumstances that it is... I am devastated. He's going to be moving in August to San Antonio, Texas. I've known about the move but it was originally set that it wouldn't be for another two years so I really didn't find probable cause in breaking up with him because who's to say where we will be at in two years as a couple. Not only is my boyfriend moving over a thousand miles away but he's also my best friend. I think back to all the memories we have made together and I completely fall apart. What's a girl to do in my situation? Stay with him and endure the time we have left together? On the other hand, breakup with him and start the moving-on process? He has asked me to go with him but I really can't leave my family. I love him and he means the world to me but my family is blood and they mean more. I feel like it would be so much easier if we had just had a huge falling out and broke up. Yet we didn't, we're still in love with each other and really don't want to be broken up. Even though we're technically not together any more we still act like it. He still calls me, we still talk like nothing is wrong, we even still have sex. I don't think I've ever been so devastated over a break up. I mean, he even just sent me a message a few weeks ago on myspace telling me that he can see me being his wife if we can work through all of our rough spots... and now this. I could always hold on to the thought that maybe he might not end up leaving. That maybe he will end up finishing his school here and finding a job that he loves... but in all reality I don't want to hold on to any of that. Wishful thinking is not always the best because what's going to happen when he does move away and I fall apart all over again? Six months will have gone by of hoping and wishing... I just can't do it to myself. But what's harder is just sitting here letting the man I love walk away.

I have a million thoughts running through my head. I have a million tears running down my cheeks throughout the day. I can't eat, all I want to do is sleep... I'm miserable. There's always that saying though, "If you truly love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be". Until then, I'm not going to sit around and twittle my thumbs. I have to move on with my life. I have to put my big girl panties on and realize that "shit happens" and I'm going to have to get over it. I just wish for once in my life I wasn't dealt the shitty hand of cards. That I actually could get a hand of cards that won it all.

I can honestly say I'm not myself right now. All the thoughts running through my head is driving me crazy. I can't think right, thus leaving me to not act right. I feel mentally paralyzed and half way speechless. I know what I want to say but the thoughts are cluttering my speech. Maybe the next post will be half way decent.

Our First Date