hello, goodbye

First things first this has been one busy Sunday! But plenty of fun. Woke up and drank coffee then headed straight for work. Then I went and picked up little Jacob Riley so we could take him to Kids N Play for Honey's cousins birthday party. Honeys family loveddd him, I mean who couldn't? Even though he hadnt had a nap he was still behaving extremely well. We left there and headed to Honeys where we watched some history show on sharks, because Jacob is obsessed with them! Him and I crawled in the recliner and took a nap while Honey took a cat nap on the sofa. I didn't even realize we had all fallen asleep till honey woke me up and told me it was time to go to Little S's going away party.



Do I really need to explain how hard it was waking this precious boy up? He actually wasn't cranky at all. He did, however, stare at me like I had five heads when he finally opened his eyes. It didn't take him too long to figure out where he was though. He turned and saw TRex standing in the kitchen and just stared. Apparently he's never scene such an abundance of muscle lol. He even behaved for his diaper change. Woopwoop!

We headed to the party where I returned him to his mommy yet wanted nothing todo with her and everything to do with his Pawpaw. Once again he was the life of the party...



Mogo decided to put his hair in a ponytail on top of his head, he definitely was not a fan. He's sitting by his pawpaw, no surprise there.



It was so hard saying goodbye. Work isn't going to be the same without Little S. Not only was it hard saying goodbye to S but to Jacob as well. I already miss that little man.

Running after a two year old all day completely wore honey and I out. Honeys in bed as I'm typing and I'm about to head that way myself.

I'm definitely not ready for the work week ahead. I haven't decided whether or not to confront Bee on her betraying actions or not. Maybe I'll let her continue thinking she's playing me like a fool in order to keep peace. As far as pretending everything is okay though I'm not going there. I'm not going to treat her as if she's any type of friend to me let alone a best friend. Trust is one thing I don't give very easily and once you betray that...HOLLA!

Hope everyone had a fab weekend. Mine was topped off pretty splendidly.

Holidays 2011 and a giveaway

It has become apparent to me that I try to juggle too many balls, put too many eggs in my basket, and make too many false promises to myself. I've been swallowed up alive in my busyness and it would be nice to just sit back and breath. The question I've been asking myself literally all week? Where the hell does my time go!? I don't even have kids like seriously...ready to scream. Nevertheless I will fill you in on all that I mentioned before or atleast try to touch base. I "promised" mysel I would make an extravagant post with one of those giveaway copters and all. But really? I'm posting from my iPhone because time does not bare much more. So yeah here's the Christmas run down:


Long time bestie Beezie and I at the game. Christmas eve Honey and I went to the titans game then headed to my parents house. We spent the evening with my parents, uncle, and grandfather. Possibly the best Christmas eve I've ever had including childhood. It was my grandfathers (we will call him Big J) first Christmas in society and not in prison in six years. We definitely made it one he could cherish and having him there meant the world. My mom and I spent the evening cooking up some goodies: sausage balls, pigs in a blanket, and our newly added tradition:


buffalo turds! They're hollowed out peppers with some sort of cream cheese mixture for the filling and wrappe with bacon and then baked. Delicious!!


Mine and Honey's first Christmas Eve together :)


Dad and Honey. Funny story: Honey made Apple Pie Moonshine and my grandfather asked what was in it. When he replied 'everclear' my grandfather responded "EVERQUEER!?" so when this picture was taken I had just said "aw look how cute y'all are " and my grandfather (commenting on the fact that they were siting in a small recliner together) says "yeah they both must've got ahold of some of that EVERQUEER. Hahahah. Okay moving on.... Christmas day sister BIL and little baby bumble came over. We indulged in all the yummy food and then headed to unwrap presents. This year was definitely not about "my presents" for me. It was more about seeing how excited the presents I bought for others made them. I think I did a pretty good job in that area. Oh! And baby bumble Jacob got a cute tricycle!!


Pawpaw (my dad) and lil Jacob taking the new tricycle for a text drive. He loved it! Later honey and I went off to DTown to his family's gathering. I love them so much! It's like they've just always been my family. Afterwards we went to his parents and stayed the night. The following morning we did Christmas with his parents sister BIL and their kids. Fun overload.


Honey and I Christmas day. New years eve we went to dinner with my parents and A couple that is family friends. Later we picked up T-Rex and headed to Mogo's house and played some games and what not. The holidays were so busy and though I enjoyed all of them I'm semi happy they're over with and the new year is here. So now for the GIVEAWAY Item: $25 gift card to Amazon.com To enter: Mandatory: Leave a comment: including your email address and URL for your blog(+1) Follow The Diva Bee (+1) Extra Entries, and a better chance to win: Add The Diva Bee button to your blog ((+1) Follow TheHaleyBarr on twitter (+2) Tweet about the giveaway and leave a comment to the link (+3) Blog about the giveaway and link back to it (+5) Leave a comment telling me your favorite item ever purchased on Amazon.com or if you've never used it tell me something you would like to have off of amazon.com (+2) And there you have it. Every (+#) is how many entries you will have in the giveaway. Therefore commenting(telling me you're entering) following my blog and then blogging about the giveaway will give you a total of 7 entries. Every time you blog about it leave an addition comment for an addition 5 entries. Easy. Oh and to spice things up every time you refer someone to my giveaway you get an additional 5 entries. So when you blog about it tell your readers to mention your name in their comment entry! Happy new years and belated Christmas everyone :) Coming soon: a series of awkward one night stands. More info soon ;) Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

brighter spirits

Today has been relatively better than the last couple, I'm now in a rental car so it helps take away some of the constant reminders. Unfortunately I saw his picture, one I thought I would feel better once I could put a face to it but now I wish I never had. His family and friends are still in my prayers as well as the people that witnessed it due to the trauma. However I don't want to let this ruin my Christmas spirit, everything happens for a reason. I've been keeping myself busy to occupy my mind so with that being sai I thought I would try to do a fun little Christmas wish list.




Nars pressed blush. Color: Orgasm. It's a beautiful peach color with small gold specks to give a subtle glow. Ah! Love!



2012 Dodge Journey. This is what I'm currently driving as my rental. Obviously it has several upgrades such as Sirius radio along with a touch screen, but overall it's a great car with tons of storage and convenience especially starting brand new at $18,991. Just saying.



MacBook Pro. I mean um hello! It's gorgeous and amazing. At this point I would love to have a new computer regardless if it's a pricey Mac. My current laptop doesn't even have the ghz that is required to play a game I purchased and anxiously awaited for for months! Might I add the cd insert is missing its faceplate that randomly decided to fall off, the charging cord has to sit just right in order to keep the computer even on thus meanin it takes several minutes/hours just to attempt a single use out of it. Along with its slowness I could name off a million other things I dislike about my dinosaur of a laptop. ---no really, it's also bulky.



Keurig. Yessss please! A single cup of coffee is made my the time I get done taking my morning pee...what more can you ask for? No measuring coffee grinds, no clean a coffee stained pot, and very little maintenance...need I say more?

not pictured:
Ugg boots
Ottorbox-iPhone 4
Pearl earrings
MAC Eyeshadows-any color I love them ALL!
Victoria Secrets new "yoga" line.
A teacup yorkie or Australian sheppard mini.
Casserole dish with carrying case. For my future house of course.
The missing books from my Ellen Hopkins series
The Twilight saga DVDs. Yes I am absen from owning any but seen them all.
A quiet night for Honey and I (ya know jacuzzi suite and what not ;) )
A tree that grows money. If I come across one I'll inform you where to purchase it at ;)
A Bluetooth keyboard case for my iPad
A blender
A house. Oh what? Too much to ask for? sigh.

I could go on with some ridiculous wants but I'll stop there. This Christmas is not about presents, nor has it ever been before but emphasis on this Christmas due to circumstances of events, but more of spending time with my family and showing love. Honey's family has been extremely supportive the past couple of days and if I didn't feel it before I definitely feel apart of the family now. I couldn't ask for better future in laws. They are so amazing and loving and every sense of the words. I couldn't possibly asked to be surrounded by better people- my family, his, and friends.

If I'm not back before Christmas which I surely hope that I am, I hope everyone has the best Christmas possible. Love you guys!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

BF mission

My Black Friday shopping trip went more along the lines of unexpected. I ended up not buying anything when we went. We ended our trip fairly early at 1:30 because my BIL made plans for him and my sister knowing that we were spending a girls day, that's the norm. So being bummed out I ended up calling it a day myself, the gym closed at 6PM instead of the regular 10 so I figured I would shop a little more on my own so that way I could conquer more in my limited time frame instead of having to worry about what other people rather be doing ie going to Pier1. Don't get me wrong, I love that store, but it's not my ideal place to be hitting up when I'm trying to score the mother load. So I decided to fly solo.

Honey's sister asked me to stop by Old Navy to get a jacket for one of her kids that was suppose to be on sale. Here's where they get you: in the commercial they talk about these $70 jackets being $25, they even slide in a few pictures of different jackets; you arrive to the store you don't read the fine print, so of course all the jackets on the rack with the big % off advertisement is said % off right? I mean it was even in the commercial! Luckily being the smart ass that I am, also too lazy to stand in an ass long line only to find out I was paying full price, I read the small print. Well, what do you know "all jackets excluding fleece pullovers and wool lined pea coats" and the jacket I was going for was the pea coat. Bummer.

So after I attempted to conquer my number one goal, I moved on. Next on list: gym shoes. After hitting up 7 different stores, I hit the goldmine. Suggested retail: $70+ bucks. My bargain bust: $54.99. Wuzzup?! Hehe.



I had to awkwardly turn my ankle in order to get a good side view...my legs are of no deformity.

Next I wanted to score some killer jeans. With hopes held high that I could go into Buckle and snag a pair of jeans under $60 I walked my little toosh in there like I owned the place only to promptly turn right back around and walk out. sigh. I didn't let this get me down though. The whole reason I went to buckle is because they have the large seam stitches that I've slowly fallen in love with. So I made it up in my head that there was no way that was the only place that had them. There MUST be a knock off in the mall somewhere! And what ya know?! Shabam! I went to Body Central and there they were hanging gloriously in the window, I even think angels were floating around them. OH! and in glitter and all the words "20% off entire store" almost made me have a shoppingasm. I picked up three pair and headed to the fitting room, where there are clearance racks all over the place. Holy moly! I spotted a pair for only 19.99! So instead of spending $40+ on a pair of jeans, I spent $30+ on TWO pairs.



okay so obviously my photography isn't all that great, but hello do you see those jeans? Um. Love.

Anybody liking the bachelor pad bed spread going on in the back drop of my jeans? Yeah I cant wait to ditch that shit when Honey and I have our own place. Hehe.

Speaking of Honey, don't worry I didn't leave his little booger butt out. I bought two shirts from old navy for him. One as a Christmas present addition and the other was a Titans tee that he so desperately needed due to his lack of game day gear. I ended up giving the other shirt to him already as well. I'm not good about stuff like that hehe. So in the end...


Mission: accomplished

Short and sweet

I had a post that I was going to write but time got away from me and now I'm about to go to bed. So I'm keeping it short and sweet.





I love that guy. Though I spent all weekend with him and just saw him this morning, I'm so excited to see him again. Ahh butterflies :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Birthday, Christmas, RANT!

Though I'm super excited to be gaining an extra hour of sleep in Fall Back daylight savings, I'm not so excited that my internal clock will probably still wake me up way before time to go to work. That's just my luck. Oh well, more time to primp and beautify!




Today Honey and I will be attending Chuck E Cheese for Jacob Riley's second birthday. The last time I was there, I got kicked out because I didn't have a kid too old to play, too young to have a kid. I guess if I were a parent I wouldn't want little snot nosed high schoolers clouding my child's playtime either, however at the time I was devastated. Speaking of Jacob Riley, I finished, or thought that I did anyways, his Christmas shopping yesterday. I had to pick up some wrapping paper to wrap his birthday present and while perusing around to waste a little time I came across a $5 mini-potato head. Ding ding ding! Perfect little gift to top of his others. I come home and decide to wrap his birthday gift. I bought Cars wrapping paper so I could also use it for his Christmas gifts as well, I like to get the most for my money. So I'm through with wrapping his Christmas gifts as well, all but the potato head and as I get halfway through with it...I realize the inevitable happened. Yes, I fucked up... I bought MRS. Potato Head!! What the hell I cant give is to him!? Though he's only two and wouldn't know any better, I know better and so will his parents. Oh the devastation. You see this wouldn't be that big of a deal except the other day I went to go buy the "last finishing touch gift" and as the cashier went to ring it up she looks at me and tells me that they hadn't had a chance to pull it from the shelf but the toy had been recalled. What the hell?! I was excited over the gift too, it was a race car wheel and it vibrated and had blinkers and everything. It was the ultimate cheap yet bad ass gift (5$ you cant beat it!). So I guess it's just not meant for me to go the cheap route when buying the last small present.




Via google images

So yesterday I rearranged Honey's entire room, cleaned the baseboards, washed clothes, washed his work clothes....everything. When asked if he liked his newly arranged room, his response? "yeah it's fine, as long as I can still get in bed and watch tv and go to sleep it's good" really?! I spent all that time for that response? Fail. This morning I had to run to the DG to get coffee filters because I was out. I wanted to start my day with coffee and a cigarette and yet I was out of filters, typical yet not the point. So as I'm leaving Honey asks me if I wanted to stop and get breakfast. Upon realizing that neither of us were in the mood for greasy sonic or sugar overloaded donuts he decided to settle for a bowl of cereal or oatmeal. When buying my filters I decided I would try to, once again, do something nice for him and cook pancakes for breakfast. Get home, drink coffee, talk to mom, smoke cigarettes, cook pancakes. Midway through breakfast I ask, "isn't this better than greasy sonic?" his response, "yeah its alright". What the fuck?! I'm almost ready to throw in the towel on cooking for him because out of the year we've been together I've received one compliment on my dinner. He made the comment yesterday after coming home from his parents house, "I should have got mom to give me some recipes for you". Kill me now. I'm not his momma. I'll never be his momma. And honestly he doesn't realize it but it's a huge slap in the face. And whether he's joking or not about my breakfast being less than satisfactory, it makes me feel less of a woman. I pay for the groceries to cook for him, I slave over the stovetop so he doesn't have to eat his basic chicken and rice that he has lived off of before I came along and all I get is, "it's alright", "should've got moms recipes", "I miss my moms cooking". A part of me wants to tell him to go fuck his mom then cause I'll never be her but the more rational side of me let's it go only for it to be brought up a day or week later. I may not be a chef but give me the time and practice and I'll become something close to it. Instead I feel like I'm getting set back a step every time I try and I don't really know why I haven't given up yet. I'm leery of even posting this because I'm afraid this will be one of the posts that Honey reads. However, this is my space and I'm venting!

By no means are we fighting, I'm just hurt on the inside by all of it. The last time I said something to him about be ungrateful for the things that I do for him he responds with the fact that I didn't have to do it and that he never asked me too. Not what I want to hear. I've hinted at the fact that it hurts my feelings for him to not like what I cook but he hasn't quite caught on yet. I just would like an ounce of appreciation. I would probably cook moe often if that was the case. Instead I'm extremely discouraged.

This post turned into something that was not previously planned but just kind of happened as I started ranting. Oh well. Hope everyone is have an awesome Sunday! I know I will be here shortly when I get to see the light of my life, my bundle of joy, my favorite person in the entire world Mr. Jacob Riley!

one of his most recents:



I put my iPhone camera on FaceTime and he was getting a huge kick out of seeing himself. Who couldn't love those chubby cheeks and head full of hair?

Halloween+Sunday Football

I tried to think of something to rant about but I've got nothing. I've been in a bad mood all day. From the time I woke up to now I'm still grumpy. Honey blames it on the medication, I blame it on his unelaborative text messages. So to give me something to post about I'll post the pictures from our Halloween party this past Saturday night.




I present to you my costume: A royal peacock. Oh I forgot to mention I cut off like 9+ inches of my hair since I last posted a picture.




Honey dressed as Lt. Dangle from Reno 911. The thumbs up makes this priceless.



A picture of us together, just because we're hot. Just saying :)

The party we went to was like mid 20 year olds and older. I thought I would be odd man out since I'm not even 23 yet but really I like partying with the older-than-me crowd more. The party started earlier and ended as well. There was no throwing up nor drama which is always nice. Making it home in time to get my 8+ hours of sleep and not have a hangover? Definitely my bag. Don't worry there were still leg stands lol...



As you see one of the guys (far right) was too cool to dress up...lame ass.

Furthermore we woke up and went to the Titans game on Sunday where the Titans beat the Colts which doesn't say very much. It was nice to see friends and what not.

I'm going to end this post now because I feel like I'm dragging on and on. But posting two weeks in a row? I accept your pat on the back. :)

Oh...and one more picture



My friend L and I @ the game

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Indepence Day Weekend

I hope everyone had a good fourth of July! I'm currently sitting in Honey's driveway listening/watching the neighbors. Honey and I are too cheap to blow our money up so we enjoy others :). When I was little my parents always shot a ton off for us but now that we're older they don't blow their money up anymore either. But I appreciate their pricey entertainment when I was little.

I definitely had a fun filled weekend. Honey and I started early on Friday. I got up and he went to work. I met my mom at the eye doctor so she could help me pick out some new glasses that I'm super excited about! I've worn the same glasses since I was in middle school. Obviously my vision has changed quite a bit and needless to say they don't quite fit my face anymore lol. So I'm pretty pumped! After that my mom and I headed back to the house to enjoy a day in the pool. I ended up getting a bit red but nothing a little aloe couldn't take care of.

Saturday started out good then rough then great. I went into work and did my daily routine then as I was heading out I got news that one of the employees that has been on the line of getting her third write up didn't show up to work. So I rearranged the schedule and headed to the other store to do some firing and rearranging of next weeks schedule. Mission completed I headed home where my sexy boyfriend was waiting for me in the pool along with my family and grandaddy.

Honey & I at Matt's Pub

Later I cleaned up and got beautified and Honey and I headed to Dover to a pub and hung out with some friends. Him and I shared our very first dance which was wonderful! We danced to brad paisleys 'everything'. Ah I loved it :) Sunday however, I woke up with a hangover from staying up till 4am drinking beer with Honey's momma and having a drunken heart to heart. Hopefully I can go into a little more detail about that tomorrow along with the other random conversation that happened this weekend. Today we returned to Dover to spend time with his family and go on te boat where we stayed 30mins on the water and then headed back in because of rain. Poo! Oh well it cleared up and we enjoyed a good home cooked meal by his momma. Now I'm relaxing from a long weekend. And here shortly I'll e going to bed for an early start in the morning.

Hope everyone else had an amazing independence day weekend!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Buffalo

So can anyone gimme a round of applause for writing my first review!? Ha, of course it would be a sex toy, what else could I have possibly reviewed that I could enjoy any better. Hehe jk. Any who. Now as promised, because I'm on the ball this week, canoe trip pictures!




First and foremost, I'm going to go ahead and warn you that the majority of these pictures makeup was non existent and I look rather busted. Just saying. :)







These two were seriously adorable together. They were like a little old married couple and she was definitely the mom in the group. Ha.






Ha does anyone notice A. Honey is the shortest of the group. B. Honey has the BEST body in the group and C. My Honey is the sexiest out of the group, okay maybe that's a little bias but I'm entitled to it. :)



He represents Tennessee so poorly....



Obviously taken the second day. Obviously alcohol was highly involved.



FAVORITE (;







Can I just say Honey is a genius? No running water so how did we brush our teeth?! COLGATE WISPS! Obviously a huge hit with everyone else as well.



The first day we were there we were floating down the river only to see this canoe floating down the river beside us, all while a guy was doing a keg stand...on the canoe. Seriously?!




I don't remember exactly what happened to this tent but obviously it was the retarded tent of the camp site. Just saying.




Home sweet home-- right before we left for Fat Daddy's Resort. (a floating bar :) )

Okay wahlah, pictures posted. I stuck to my word. :)


Don't forget to enter in my last minute giveaway!

cuteness explosion

Hello hello! Anyone proud that I'm posting and it's not even a month+ since my last post? Lol, I'm just thankful I have time to sit here on my computer and do so. Anyways, I keep talking about the pictures I have that are exploding with cuteness... well now I'm going to finally post them for all to see! I don't blame you if you put them as your computer background... they are just that cute, or maybe I'm bias. So without further adieu:

So I went to my sister place this past weekend to spend the night and hangout with the ever so awesome Jacob Riley. The following morning I woke up and was watching TV only to see my BIL come in the room with Jacob on his shoulders, talk about adorable. Somehow Jacob had stripped his PJ shirt off and was being carried around in his little PJ shorts, seriously, who wouldn't want to just eat him up!

So later we dressed little Jacob up to go to Granny's. (My mom, of course) My dad is real big into hunting so he bought Jacob a little camo onesie. Well, my sister has never put him in it before and being the awesome aunt that I am, I decided it was time to strut his stuff camo style. Cute right? So cute that I had to get a picture... don't mind me and my goof face, it just kind of happened. :)

We got to my parents house and hung out for a while. A Jacob-nap later we went swimming. This is Jacob after he went swimming for his second time. :) hehe Yeah too cute, right?

So that's what I've been up to lately...err... Saturday anyways. I don't take pictures at work, not only because they would bore you, so therefore that's basically what I've been up to. More to come soon. :)

Media Monday- Photography

Welcome back to Media Monday's, hosted by yours truly. For those of you just joining: Media Monday has different themes every week. The former, Music Monday, has extended it's horizons for more fun and new themes to participate in. Be it literature (books), music, movies, or anything else media related, I hope you can join us!

This week's theme: Photography

Post a meaningful picture: Any type of picture, taken by you or someone else, something you googled, anything... Once posted, give us a reason why that specific picture is valuable, meaningful, sentimental, etc. Make sure you leave a comment with the URL link to your post so others can check your blog out!


[Not to diminish the value of this picture, but I have several pictures that are very valuable to me, in order for me to choose just one would take weeks of well thought out configuration. I chose this one, out of all of them, because it's my most valuable picture that is on my laptop.]

Furthermore, there's a lot of underlying meaning in this picture. This is my sister and I at her 2nd baby shower. (She had three! One for work, one for our side of the family and one for the BIL's side.) As most of my first followers know, my sister gave me the gift of life. However, he is only my nephew and most could possibly find this silly, but truly he gives me a reason to live and adds purpose to my life. I never knew I could love something so small and tiny so much. My heart swells with love for him, if I didn't know any better I gave birth to him. So why this picture you ask? Sure I could have posted a picture of Jacob, himself, but I wanted to post something with more depth and meaning. You see at this baby shower I had my first interactions with him. I held my sisters tummy and talked to him before all of the guests arrived, he started to kick like crazy! I would stop talking, he would stop kicking... it was precious. From that moment, I knew I was in love with the child that my sister was carrying. Later that afternoon he got the hiccups (if you've never felt the stomach of a pregnant woman whose child has the hiccups, it's absolutely adorable!). That is why this picture means so much. It was taken right after I had finished talking to mister Jacob Riley.

So what about ya'll? Have any pictures that hold a series of underlying memory? Don't forget to link up!

*Also, it has been noted to me that alot of you do "schedule" posting and since Monday's normally get the best of everyone, most people already have Monday's scheduled. If you would like to join in Media Monday however you schedule your posts, I will be more than happy to e-mail you the theme in advance at your convenience. Just e-mail me at thehaleybarr[at]yahoo[dot]com requesting the theme be given in advance, and I will be glad to e-mail you back!

Elaboration

So there have been a few posts where I said that I would "elaborate" another time, another post. So with that being said, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to cover the two topics that I said I would cover, because two is all that I remember.

Numero Uno: Number Six Fear.

[via google images]

I don't know how it started nor do I know when, all I know is that it did. I have this horrible fear of the number six. It bothers me on a day-to-day basis and this fear has really changed my life. The first instance that I remember is being broken up with on June 6th by my 6th boyfriend. A series of events took place to and from that point. I can't exactly recall all of them. My ex-boyfriend, the one mentioned in a previous post that we call J, as well as my best friend and my parents were all trying to break me of this fear. I prayed about it religiously and felt like I tried all that I could do. Until one day, the day that I later decided was my confirmation point, that best friend and I decided to take a trip to Wal-mart. I was still relatively new to the new city I had just moved to so I didn't know the exact layout like I did Hendersonville, my home town that I was born and raised in until I was 17 years young. We pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot, I clearly remember it was a beautiful sunny day and Wally World's parking lot was packed with all types of vehicles. When K (the best friend) and I finally found a parking spot, we got out of the car and headed towards the door. I then realized, "I am parked in aisle 6, I have to move my car". Immediately I turned around and started to head towards my car and in return K pulled my arm and put me to a halt. She told me she would buy me anything in the store if I wanted her to but that my six insanity has got to come to an end. After arguing discussing it further I finally said okay and that I would put my combat boots on and battle. I was ready to take on number six and I was all prepared to win. The rest of the day was fine, nothing bad happened, we didn't wreck on our way home… all was fine. "SCORE!" is exactly what I thought. Then… the next morning I woke up with a text message from S, another one of my best friends, telling me that Nathan Johnson had died in a car wreck on his way to football practice. Nathan Johnson was all in all my inspiration to be a better person. He was my inspiration to be all that I could be and to not the little mishaps in life get me down. Needless to say, he was an all around amazing guy. Singer/Writer/Guitarist/Pianist for his band Through A Glass, was on the high school soccer team as well as football, he was in my church's youth group and was a part of the River's Edge Worship group. Furthermore, he was one HOT tamale! After this though, I have never been able to get over the number six. My parents have adapted to it. They know when watching TV and they go to turn the volume up the volume level must be a higher or lower number than 26 (because 25 is pretty much the ideal volume setting on our tv, that's why I say 26). At work when they ask me to put more potatoes on they know not to tell me to put six, they always choose 5 or 7. I still to this day do not park in aisle 6, and if I have to get something from the grocery store in aisle six it's normally me leaving my cart at the end of the aisle and running to get the item then running out of the aisle. I freak and my heart sinks if I look at the clock at 6:06. At work I know that a cornbread sandwich and a medium drink costs exactly $6.66 I always add a penny to the charge thus leaving it to be $6.67. (don't worry my dad knows about this and he just goes along.) Pretty much anyone that is close to me knows about my fear. They know that I'm horribly freaked out. The first time I ever rang up the CB sandwich and a md drink I went into a panic, had to leave the cash register and go outside to catch fresh air because I was sweating bullets. My manager took it over from there, she automatically knew what was wrong. Call me a freak, I'm fine with that. Because if I could change it I would and honestly half the time when I think about how much my life revolves around running from the number 6 it really shakes me up and almost brings me to tears.

 

Numero Dos: Battling Anorexia

[my sophomore year, when I finally started gaining]

It all started in seventh grade in middle school. I was pretty much the ugly duckling. I had nothing spectacular about the way I looked. I was pale with blonde hair and I looked plain. I took my frustrations out on my body. I felt if I could just get a little skinnier then maybe I would be beautiful. Little did I know that I was actually becoming more skeleton-like, and much less attractive then my starting point. At the time I saw myself so much larger than I really was. My basic meal plan was no breakfast, a SOBE energy drink for lunch with a 4-pack of peanut butter crackers and a very small or no dinner at all. You may be wondering, how in the world did your parents not catch on to such a thing? They always knew I was petite and they dismissed my poor eating habits because I always told them that I ate a large lunch so they finally became accustom to it. However, that was not the case. If I did have more than my basic meal plan I immediately went to the restroom to throw up. Being in the bathroom for such an extended time I told my parents I just had diarrhea, trust me they backed off then. If not eating was bad enough, I had this crazy addiction to the treadmill. I was constantly running my ass off and doing as many crunches I could, on average it ranged from 200-300 crunches a day. This little rampage towards being beautiful continued till I was a freshman in high school. After doing badly on my report card I came home and fell out on the floor and told my mom everything. I told her that I couldn't handle life anymore, that I was a pathetic excuse for a human being. My mom scheduled an appointment for me to go meet with a doctor that finally diagnosed me with depression. We talked about my multiple suicide attempts and my eating habits, I finally bared all. He started me out on 20mg Zoloft. Over the years, my mgs have been increased to 100, and soon I will be scheduled for a reexamination/check-up. I still have my days, but I'm stronger than I ever was before. Now I am a proud chunky kid that embraces my thickness. My dark days are over and I will never be returning to that point. I have come to my senses and conquered my disease, now I realize that my body is a temple and that I am to cherish it for what it's worth. I feel the need to post a picture. This picture was me my sophomore year of high school after gaining 20lbs. My collarbones still poke out and my chest is still caved in. Don't let the "boobs" fool you, I was wearing an ultra-padded strapless and the blouse had a padded bra as well.

 

What are some of the things you have overcome? Do you have a fear that will not let you go?

21 days/st. patty's!

Well hello my beauties! Today is the day that I start my 'Becoming the Me I Want to Be:21 Days'. Eyegirl over at Life As Eye See It Has been posting about this for quite some time now.... like um 21 days... lol. So here it is. Challenge numero uno.
Day 1
today's challenge:
Think of something you are willing to give up for 21 days,
and commit to it once and for all.
Write it down.
Tell someone so they can help to hold you accountable.
and remember,
it's just for 21 days.
you can do anything for 21 days.

Today I have chosen to give up fast food and replace it with working out. (yes, I got the idea for fast food from Eyegirl herself) When I saw that Eyegirl gave up fast food I was like HAH! NO WAY! I eat fast food on a regular basis. Literally. Probably two times a day, 5 days a week. Yeah, ok I know... don't even start with me. Not only am I wasting money but I'm cloggin arteries and expanding my waistline. So yeah, with that being said, I am determined to stick with this. Maybe I won't always work out for 21 days solid, but getting rid of fastfood alone speaks volumes to me!

{and we proceed to the next subject}
yesterday was st.patty's day!!! even though my day consisted of nothing but work i still had fun. one of my coworkers went and bought beads with little clovers on them and also a cute little garder that we placed on our thighs over our jeans that were green and white with a four leaf clover on it. hehe. also my mom sent me an email of the most adorable picture in the world.... oh yes, mom is getting creative with the limited amount of technology that she understands!

Haha, it's my nephew, Jacob!! I bought fell out in the floor when she sent this. It's pretty obvious that he looks like he's passing gas or something hahaha!!

Anyways. Later tonight hopefully I will finally be posting my hair pictures as well as the awards I have recently recieved. Yeah, I know, I'm behind in the blogosphere! But til then, I have to go get ready for work. Adios my beauties!

summer is givin' it away!

If you don't know this diva, well now is definately the time!

Summer is giving away a gorgeous little gift! Want to know what it is? Well I refuse to tell you, in order to find out click the button (picture) above.

Summer is an amazing blogger. She is such a sweet sweet girl and has a definate passion for life which is extremely clear to see through her blogs. Head over and check her out, you'll be highly pleased. Let her know The Diva Bee sent you! ;)


I hope everybody's weekend has been good!
I know mine has been! Last night I got off work, blogged, and hit the sack. Not much of a Friday but I was still grateful for such a happy and pretty day. This morning I headed into work early at 6:30AM. I got a head start on prep and I actually finished 2hrs early!

I also talked to Cody for a little bit today. He's my exboyfriend that is currently serving his country by being in the army. [though we're no longer together and we have both had relationships since, we still keep in contact and are very good friends]. I took a nap and told him I would message him on yahoo as soon as I woke up which was around 2. I still haven't heard from him so I'm slightly worried. (if he wasn't currently overseas, I wouldn't be...). Anyways, hopefully I'll hear something sometime soon. Afterall, there's a HUGE time difference between here and there!

This is a picture of Cody & I at a Titans football game this past season.
you'll have to excuse our sweatiness, it was EXTREMELY hot!

Well that's all for tonight. I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow, so I'll hopefully be able to catch up then! Goodnight & Sweetdreams, bloggers!