Life and Death

I don't really know how to start this post off. I have no clever lines nor wit. All I have is facts. Fact: my grandmother is in the hospital and though no one will admit it to me, I know that it's possible she's laying on her death bed. Every week is up and down. She's doing good. She's not doing so good. But no one will tell me the truth of what's really going on. I don't blame them, I tend to not be able to handle serious circumstances without going into a depression. I mourn day in and day out. I'm sure they're all just tryin to protect me. However for some reason I know without a doubt what's going on and somehow I'm at peace. I'm not going to try and fight God's will. I'm not going to pray for her life, because if it's in His will to have her with him I can't fight that. My prayers are constantly filled with me asking God to do as he pleases and to not let me be selfish. Fact: I will be upset if she doesn't walk out of those hospital doors. Fact: I cant control the situation so I need to trust Gods plans.

This is just one more reminder for me to not let my days go by without thanking God for all his many blessings. Life is a blessing that many days goes unappreciated. We take our blessings for granted so much that it disturbs me for the simple fact that I'm constantly doing so myself. In the movie public enemies Clark Gables famous line was presented "Die like you live". Many of times I hear live like your dying but when I heard this it got my thought process in action. I personally don't want to die in pain and suffering. Therfore why should I live that way. The outcome of my pondering led me to this: I need to laugh more, I need to smile more, I need to give more, and I need to love and experience more.

We only have so much time. I want to make use of it the best way I can all the meanwhile holding Gods hand.