truth and dare

Since the very beginning of mine and Honey's relationship, he has done everything but beg me to go to the gym with him. I may go to the gym and do some cardio but you won't find me with him. The truth, I am absolutely terrified of the weight room, it intimidates the shit out of me. Thinking about going to the weight room, I kind of most definitely want to vomit, yes...it makes me that nervous. I feel like a dangling piece of meat in there with all those meat heads. And I'm not talking about a good piece of meat, I mean like I feel like they check me out and make snarky comments like "look at that fat ass!" and not baby got back fat ass, I mean like moo cow moo! So long story short, I let Honey down with having the dreams of having a girlfriend who would gladly join him at the gym, which is one of the first things he mentioned at the beginning of our relationship that he would love to have.



Sunday Honey mentioned on our way back from DTown, his hometown, that he was probably going to hit the gym. Okay first and foremost, he has a pretty set schedule: Monday, Tuesday, off on Wednesday, back at it on Thursday through Saturday, off on Sunday's. Normally unless he works late he sticks to the schedule, I want his drive and motivation!! He mentioned that with Thanksgiving coming up that his schedule would be thrown off so he wanted to go ahead and get ahead. As always, I start thinking and then that thought goes into another thought and keeps trailing till I ask him if Sundays were super busy? I figured most people take sundays off, it just seems like that would be the case. He told me that they weren't at all and all of a sudden I had a lightbulb. Ive been wanting to hit the gym but honestly, with my fear of the weight room, my lack of love for the elliptical, and really only liking the treadmill I kind of have no hope. So I decided to dare myself. I dared myself to hit the weight room with Honey. He will be by my side, he won't let the machines bite me. He would beat up anyone who made fat jokes, or so I would hope but he's kind of extremely easy going and with that being said he would probably tell me to pay no attention and that I'm beautiful in attempts to make it okay, yeah he's dreamy. So by the time we got to the house, I ran in and put on the fat suit, aka gym clothes, and was standing at the door ready to go. I didn't want to be able to turn back. After all was said and done, its not that bad. I just need to boost my confidence level and remember that fat people who are scared of the weight room are going to remain fat, hence me a year later...still fat. Honey is continuing to work with me. We went again today it's really not that bad but will take some getting use to when it comes to being out of my comfort zone.

And so I've taken one more baby step towards achieving a healthy lifestyle, getting weight off, and being fit.

it feels great.

chicken crossing

So over the past couple of days I have no had any time to post anything. I know that's what scheduled posts are made for but there's one thing I don't like about schedule posts. the scheduled post is posted, later that day I have time to kill and I've thought up something that I actually wanted to post thatday. It never fails. I mean I could schedule it for the following day, but then everything I want to post is going to be scheduled in advance and by the time it's posted, chances are I won't care about it anymore. Okay and this is where I'm losing you. Lol

So I met with a diet doctor, yes an actual diet doctor not one of those nutritionists at weight watchers, Wednesday evening. For short we will call him DH. I swear to you he was more excited about me losing weight then Honey and I combined. Maybe it was an attempt to get me excited, however after several failing attempts over the past four years I'm just not that excited anymore. I'm aware I give up to easily and it's my fault, not the diet(s). However normally I go for the cheap diets, if I fail not much money was lost. In the end the $ adds up. This time I have no choice, Honey paid a whopping $210 on this. There's no room for error. I cannot let him down.

The thing I liked loved about DH, he didn't sugarcoat shit. Some call him a whack, I call it brilliant. The first thing a diet doctor is going to tell you, okay maybe not the first but it will come up, is to drop the sodas. ALL sodas. Not DH. He didn't verbalize it but I saw where he was going with it. He's focusing on cutting the calories first rather than changing your lifestyle on the spin of a dime aka ending in total failure its too much of a lifestyle shock. He gave me the "okay" on drinking diet sodas, cutting the calories yet still giving me the pleasure of a nice cold soda. He even encouraged me to still keep drinking my coffee as long as I use a zero calorie sugar substitute. Perfect, I already use sweet-n-low

Secondly, he didn't love the fact that I smoke cigarettes but told me that we would eventually wean them out and get me to a healthier lifestyle. I'm okay with that. So I've been trying to watch my calories and choose healthier alternatives without overdoing it, I don't want to send myself into shock and start backing away. Last night Honey and I celebrated his nephews birthday at Outback Steakhouse. Now, I could've gone for simple grilled chicken but quite frankly I don't care if I ever eat chicken again after forcing it down so much. So I decided to still eat chicken rather than my normal fucking delicious extremely bad for you cheeseburger and fries but I decided to change it up hoping I saved some calories by going with the Alice Spring Quesadilla, the small portion 4 slices over the regular portion, 8. When it came out to the table I quickly realized it wasn't the best choice, even though it was grilled. I could tell it was greasy looking and I even mentioned it but Honey argued that it was probably just from the skillet and that it wasn't that bad for me. Now, coming from Honey it made me feel better just because when it comes to fitness he knows what the hell he's talking about. However, conversation was brought up this morning again about the poor seemingly okay choice of the quesadilla. The result? It was not seemingly okay at all. And just because I know Honey will read this, I'm going to go ahead and say it...I was right. When I first googles it, it didn't mention the portion size. When I told honey it said almost 650 calories, he quickly responded with "that's probably the regular size quesadilla, you got the small one". On that note, I had to find out the portion and what calories belonged to what.

The results:
Small portion, four slices: 623 calories.
Regular portion, eight slices: 1494 calories.

My lesson learned: just because it says grilled chicken, yes it may be healthier than fried, but it does not always mean it's the healthiest chicken choice on the menu. Which my dumb ass glued into 'grilled part' self decided to look beyond the cheese and the sautéed mushrooms along with the honey mustard dipping sauce. I should've browsed the menu beforehand, on the way there, to weigh my options...no pun intended. However I will pat myself of the back for taking my time eating it and not ordering my cheeseburger and fries. When asked by the waitress, I opted out on order a side dish. ::clap clap for my self control::

Hope everyones having a happy Sunday. Here it's soggy outside with wet roads and falling autumn leaves. I'm not ready for the autumn leaves to fall yet, bare trees means cold weather. I'm not ready for that yet, but that's a whole 'nother blog post for another day.

*side note, take today to look around with all God has blessed you with. Instead of dreading the work week starting tomorrow, thank God for blessing you with a job in order to put a roof over your head. Instead of being frustrated because your child(ren) didn't sleep in longer than you wanted, thank God for blessing you with fertility and the strength that got you through labor. When you start looking for all the blessings around you, you'll be surprised by what you've overlooked so many times before. And if you're not, then you're clearly not looking hard enough. "A faithful man shall abound with blessings, but he who makes haste to be rich, at any cost, shall not go unpunished." Proverbs 28:20

[fresh] start

Okay I know I've been a blog post vomiting whore the past couple of days but I have a lot to say. If I don't say it now, you'll have another 6 months of a dry blog with no posts. Carry on...

So unlike last post I actually have a topic for this one, not just a bunch of random ranting. However, I did have a random thought come to me...does anyone remember Furbies? Seriously when I was younger I remember my mom and all her friends went to the mall at three in the morning and waited in line for two hours to get one for me. Yeah it was one of those knock people down, act insane all for a fucking toy type shit. Luckily my mom has her sanity and she did not partake in the crazy festivities but still, those things were fucking weird looking back now.

On to the real topic of this post. Okay so I aforementioned in another post months ago that I was attempting to lose weight and get in shape. Summer came along I had to stop taking oxy pro elite because you couldn't consume alcohol on it. Okay I could have said no to the alcohol but seriously I'm not mad at myself for it. Why? Because in the end the pill was just a pillow. I still didn't change my way of eating. I didn't learn anything about nutrition nor did I make a fitness routine. So here I am, with probably all of my loss 20+ lbs added right back on.

I've decided to start researching more into nutrition. Figuring out ways to eat healthy that fit into my busy schedule. I'm extremely active at work, changing my diet alone would do me wonders. I'm starting small I don't want to overload myself all at once. Honey and I went to the grocery store and bought a few things to get me started. I bought a large tub of vanilla yogurt along with some fresh fruits to add in. Also I bought several different items to change up eating chicken, since thats a great source of protein. I bought wheat tortillas and I plan on making chicken wraps. I got some organic black bean and corn salsa, onions, celery, pomegranate dressing, and honey mustard along with a few other things. Honey cooked my chicken for me for the week so that part is done. I feel like I'm on the right track but I feel like I have a lot more to learn.

I'm not going to post an ass ton about my fat ass, but I'll post a little here and there. Please feel free to leave helpful comments. They'll be greatly appreciated :)

Skinny Diva and shortage of time

So what has the diva bee been up to? Literally everything! From losing weight to spending time with Honey to working and loving on Jacob Riley I have pretty much no time for anything. It's recently become extremely apparent to me that 24 hours doesn't make a long enough day for me. Too much to do and no time to do it. Friday I just ended up having a breakdown and balling my eyes out for no apparent reason. I really needed to get off work early in order to do my two and a half weeks mountain of laundry that is starting to take up all my space to even move. So I guess my breakdown was targeted from being smothered, if you're catching my drift. My only solution to this mayhem would be to have a place of my own. If I had a place of my own I would be there more often and I wouldn't have to worry about occupying the washer and dryer. I could wash before I went to work and dry after work. Simple solution? I wish. I don't really plan on moving out till I see where mine and Honey's relationship goes. I don't see the point in living alone and paying rent if A. I can live at home for free and B. I'm always at his house. Granted if I did have a place he would probably be over there instead of the vice versa but as for right now I'm staying planted until we decide to make that big jump in our relationship. it would be pretty nice though...

On to other, more exciting, stuff... Jacob Riley is getting so big! He's so so sweet, truly he is. My sister can pretend to be crying and he will run over to her and give her the biggest hug. Prolly the most precious child I've ever met, and I'm going to put aside that you probably read that as being bias lol!







Skinny diva? Yes please! This stuff is amazing so far anyways... Naturally I'm an extremely tired person. I always have been, since birth till now. Not with this bad boy. It gives me crazy amounts of energy and after my first day of taking it I quickly realized why the bottle says to not consume any additional caffeine. Today starts my second week and I've already lost 5lbs. (it would have been more but this weekend I made poor choices in meals as well as consumed several high cal beers) but overall I feel great. Needless to say the extra energy boost that it provides makes me much more willing to workout after I get off work. If you have had prior heart problems or anything of that sort I highly recommend speaking with your physician before use. You can buy OxyElite Pro from GNC or Vitamin World or do like I did to save a quick buck, buy it off of Amazon.com. *I was not endorsed for this product review nor was I asked by any USPlabs employee to do so.

Now after that word-full spill, I would tell you all about how amazing Honey and I are doing but I think I will save that for your entertainment in a later post. Till then, I'll leave you with one of our latest pictures :)







Go ahead and leave plenty of comments telling me how gorgeous of a couple we make. Flatter me a little, I won't be mad ;)