moment of truth

So you're probably thinking wow two posts in a day? Yeah I know. I'm not trying to make up for the past days missed, I just feel the need to write and I don't have a paper journal on me at the moment, so deal.

I'm having one of those days. Those days where you're completely down and out and want to give up on everything you've been working towards. As fore mentioned I've been trying to lose weight. I understand every weigh in isn't going to be magical but to have gained a half pound in the last week on top of the other thing that has me in the pits kind of makes me want to say fuck it all together.

Moment of truth? Yeah I'm totally tempted to go get some greasy pizza and say fuck the gym. I'm not in the mood to be surrounded by girls who already know what the hell is going on in Zumba for me to continuously trip over my feet in the back row. Yeah for the most part, since I've been more than a handful of times, I know what's going on. I just need to practice my footwork. However I'm not in the mood.

I'm not going to post about what has me down because I'm not really in the mood to admit it even to myself. Last night I cried myself to sleep, this morning I was angry about it, and now I'm just ready to crawl in bed and cry because I simply feel like I have failed.

To others it may have not meant much but to me it was a huge kick in the gut. With that being said I'm going to go make a healthy choice of dinner yet skip the gym.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

seriously?! monday

It has been one of those Monday's that makes me think wow...seriously?! I woke up this morning, after pressing the snooze button numerous times (I swear if it weren't for Honey I would never make it to work on time) and I was extremely tired. The drive to work wasn't any better. I finally realized this morning how it is possible for people to fall asleep while driving. I kept having to double blink in hopes to wake up a little more, it didn't work out like planned. This is what going back to work is like after having a four day vacation? Seriously? I thought I would be fully energized and ready to kick some ass, yeah total opposite.

Upon reaching for a much needed an item in order to do my job, I realized that SAB didn't replace what she had used while I was gone. Seriously?! I could strangle that cunt. However, I made do and continued on my merry way.

Later, after waiting on several customers I get a phone call. dun dun dun dun... A woman apparently stopped by the drive thru and ordered "extra" sauce. However, she really only specified that she wanted sauce with her plate, not potato. I'm all about some accuracy, I would not have effed that up. When asking my employee who had waited on the customer about how old she was she told me the customer had to of been late thirties, mid forties. Eh hem, the lady on the phone could not have been no more older than 25 Bee, my employee, also said that the woman had an "adult" voice, not one that sounded like a child. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Someone got her lunch, she didn't get the sauce that she wanted but the other person did because she specified however she wants to get angry and take it out on me...and I quote, "I just wanted to call and say thank you for screwing up my lunch! How can I eat a potato with no sauce?! So thank you for ruining my lunch as well as ruining my day"...click. WTF!? First of all, people eat potatoes without bbq sauce on the DAILY. It is not a requirement, I'm sorry you're abnormal to the point you let a fucking potato ruin your day. SERIOUSLY?!?! Instead of getting mad I laughed at her stupidity. It's one thing if I give you the wrong meat, side item, leave out butter or cheese or even sour cream, I cannot help that you want to add extra calories to your already carb-loaded lunch. I hope it goes straight to her ass. She was probably fat, just saying.

Honey and I are about to leave for the gym. I hope I can get a good work out in. I ate crappy yesterday and I could go for a good burn. Hope everyone is having a happy Monday! It's snowy, soggy, and just plain nasty here. To think, it was in the 70's last week. You know what they say, "If you don't like the weather in Tennessee come back in a day."

old meets lame

I quickly realized Saturday night as to why I don't "go out" more frequently. Why you ask? Well let me give you a quick recap:

-I'm very easily annoyed when it comes to drunken fools bumping into me. We even moved our hightop table back, and as we moved so did the drunks.

-Running into someone previously dated that ended on sour notes, ie we both quit talking to each other and in my head I ended it with him, in his head I'm sure he thinks he played me off. Typical male, naturally. He eye balled me and turned away so being the alcohol induced, liquid courage bitch that I am, of course I walked straight up to him and said "oh how nice of you to check me out and then quickly look away when I caught your eyes" his response, "oh sorry I didn't notice you" and in his attempts to smooth things over I left him standing there feeling like a jack ass when I promptly responded "oh that's fine, I wish I would have never noticed you" then walked my happy ass to the bar to get two beers for me and my Honey.

-Seeing someone from college that participated in the same fraternity as I, yeah that's awkward. Of course he saw me as the party girl that I once was so once he saw me inside later on, he came up to the table and proceeded with small talk. Not just the small talk you carry on with someone you havent seen in a while, the small talk where you lean in close and talk personally. Luckily, Honey returned from the bathroom in a quick minute so I could promptly introduce him as my boyfriend. Needless to say, that 'small talk' ended quickly after and he went on his merry way.

-We arrived at 9:30-10:00, and I already questioned if I would make it to 11. Yawning took place and the thought of our bed sounded amazing. I'm not the spring chicken I once was, unfortunately, so I was already ready to call it a night. Wow, that's embarrassing, I'm only 22.

-Typically being, a less than favorite topic was brought up in the midst of conversation. The topic leaving me ill and angered ready for an exit on the asap. Being that I had a few drinks in me the ride home was less than pleasant, I was frustrated and ready to pop off.

-Even more so typically being, after a few drinks I was ready for the bedroom boom by the time we got home. Frustrated and all, I wanted to get steamy. Of course, I was denied. Waking up still angry this morning.

It's a rainy Sunday and I look forward to spending it doing absolutely nothing even though there's a Titan's game today. We are foregoing sitting in the freezing rain and I'm spending it snuggled up with a warm cup of coffee and a blanky. Ah!-mazing...

the honest villain

So a good day turned less than ideal on the spin of a dime. Recently I was asked by one of my employees to join a girls night out to see the premiere of Breaking Dawn. Unbeknownst to me that SAB is going. So SAB took it upon herself to buy everyone's tickets. Everyone BUT mine and one other persons. Bitch. So being the straight forward person that I am I decided to fuck talking shit behind her back and go straight to the Cunt herself. I sarcastically said thank you for getting my ticket and followed with that I would get my own and I didn't need her to do me any favors. So the drama gates open. Now everyone is texting me saying this and saying that and somehow it was made into the fact that I stirred all sorts of shit up. Excuse me? I confronted the bitch and went upon my merry way. They're the ones calling and talking shit about everything. I'm the only one who skipped the shit talking step yet I'm the Villain. Yeah that makes total fuckin sense.

I'm tired of people being fake. Tell it like it is. Dont talk shit about SAB if you're only goin to turn around and butter that bitches roll. I'm so beyond this high school shit. I don't even give a fuck if I see the movie or not. Grow the fuck up.

Obviously I'm having the best Monday ever. This can go down in the history books.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Bringing sexy back.

So as I posted previously, vie been trying to lose weight. I've done pretty good being that I'm 15lbs down. However, a Memorial Day weekend canoe trip is coming up and even though I'm excited as all get out to have a vacation, I'm not so thrilled about wearing a bikini. Though Honey reassures me that I look "great", I'm still not comfortable in my skin yet. I still want to lose about 30lbs or more.



I don't want to look like this while canoeing. Not fucking cute at all. Though I'm no where close to being her size, I feel like I still have rolls where they're not suppose to be. Granted, I am fully aware that for my 5'3" frame God has gifted me with thick thighs and a large ass. Honey loves it, much like most men, so I'm not so worried about that. But I am worried about the love handles that still linger right about that ass and the beer belly that's chilling as well.



I could, however, totally go for a bod like this. ha, in my dreams. So unrealistic. Maybe with some lipo though... Whatever I have a week and a half before the trip, theres no way its gonna happen. So here I am still putting off buying a swimsuit because none of my others fit, yet I still don't want to face my fluff in the dressing room mirror.

In all honesty, unless Honey's on top of me and humping, I don't even like being naked in front of him nor even in panties and bra. How the fuck am I suppose to get in front of a bunch of the guys he works with in a bikini and be confident and hot? I have lingerie yet rarely use it because let's be super honest here, fat girls in skimpy lace and silk isn't as sexy as what he sees in his Playboy's and Maxim's. But that's a story of it's own. Maybe I'll be like Justin Timberlake, but with a vag of course, and bring sexy back. In a larger form, that is.

both images found via google

Fawk You Friday with Boobies!

Fawk You Friday
a day late, a post behind
Anyone enjoying how I'm late on my blogs bandwagons this week? I thought so. This week has been hell on wheels so I figured regardless of what day it is, I would take part in Boobies' "Fawk You Friday" ranting posts. Me rant? Yeah get use to it. if you've never checked out Boobies, Babies, and a Blog... I suggest you do so. You can find her button in my blogroll. Get to it. You'll love her smart ass, family lovin', sex toy reviewing, and give away givin' blog posts. Shes a joy to read. Just saying.

fawk you weather. You have screwed up my allergies. Caused mosquito havens all around me. And most of all you have fawked up my schedule.

fawk you coworker who decided to me a no call no show. You've royally fawked my work week up.

fawk you people who have chosen to complain so much this week that not only have you pissed me off but you have my sister, and my boss...whom is my father and I live with so the anger isn't only at work but it follows me home.

fawk you week. You have given me so much hell. So many tears. And so many anxiety attacks the past 7 days it's not even funny.

fawk you concrete truck. You have pulled out in front of me two days this week an decided to go 35 in a 55 thus making me late for work TWICE. you bitch.

There's more things I could fawk off right now but for the sake of my sanity I'm not going to get into it right now.

I hope you have a fawking fabulous weekend.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ticking time bomb

I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I haven't been consuming many calories, today was the last day of my period, or if people in general today are just pissing me off. I want to throw up my fuck you finger and say fuck off.



I seriously could go ape shit on somebody today but instead I'll sit here on my back porch and smoke cigarettes and hide from the world while getting lost in blognation. By the way, I'm pissed off that I can't find another blog to stalk. But that's another story in itself.

I started my day fabulous. With rainbows and butterflies and all that cheerful bullshit. I even left a note for my employee to not talk about negative shit when I got back to the store because I wanted to have a good day. Lo and behold, when I get back she starts talking about her brothers cancer and how horrible the weather has been and yada yada. Yes, I feel bad for her bro having cancer and yes I agree the weather sucks... But what the fuck dude? So much for some positive energy. That flew out the window as soon as I walked in and she opened her mouth.

I'm in a cynical mood. I don't give a fuck about anything. And everything is pissing me off and I'm dropping the F bomb like it was recently added to my vocabulary and it's my best discovery yet.

If it wasn't for these diet pills I would drink a whole bottle of wine and pass the hell out. But instead I cant consume alcoholic beverages to better my mood and I cant go to sleep because it's like I'm on speed everyday till 8PM.

Maybe I'll be cheerful tomorrow, one could only hope (and one being my coworker that works with me tomorrow). Till then, this pissed off diva is one hell of a ticking time bomb. Boom.

Monday madness: a to do list from Diva Hell.

via google images

Though my Monday is starting off with me drinking a cup of coffee even though I'm not suppose to consume caffeine on my diet pills and enjoying a pack couple of cigarettes which amounts to anything but madness, I will still post a monday madness due to the craziness going on in my head. Still with me? (think about it...waiting for answer...) okay good.

My Monday routine is jacked. I have no routine. Normally it consists of me being lazy, not doing much of anything more than smoking cigarettes and lounging on the couch, healthy...I'm aware. Today however not so much. I work night shift tonight, which I like to call the bitch shift because it consists of doing all the bitch work for the stores but I'm not going to complain about the extra hours. Due to a death in one of my employees family I will be working tonight and due to another employees prom I will be working Saturday night as well. Extra hours, check. Lack of rest, check. Lack of time to get done what I need to get done....check.

to do number one:I need to get my nails filled, and yes that's important. Are you forgetting I'm a diva to the truest form of all divaness?
to do number two:I need to go tanning, see response to first task on my to do list.
to do number three:I need to go to the gym, because thats what fat ass divas need to do in order to become a sexy diva that her honey can't even resist pouncing on her when she walks through the door. And yes that just came out of my little blogging fingertips.
to do number four:I need to pickup my dinners for the night shifts I work so I don't end up indulging in fast food. See task three.
to do number five:I need to pickup my medicine(s). (a.) so I don't turn into a crazy diva. (b.)so I don't turn into a pregnant diva.
to do number skip this number because I hate it:load my easter pictures to facebook. Because any facebooker knows that this is important, don't judge me.
to do number seven:make an Easter blog post because you're dying to see what a diva Easter is like.
to do number eight:try to remember, or create for that matter, more pointless extremely important tasks for me to not get accomplished. See tasks 1-7.

Now that I've wasted taken up your blog stalking time, I will now end this post by telling you that I hope you have a fabulous week. :)

Noise pollution

If everyone listened and followed the advice their momma gave them, "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all" the world's noise pollution would be cut in half.

If this looks familiar with any of you it's because it was my facebook status today. Lately at work there has been so much she said he she said (because I work with all females) bull shit going on. What sucks the most is the one person that I thought had my back, I recently found out is doing quite the opposite. After letting it bother me all day, I came to the realization that its really not worth it in the end. I'm not going to get upset, I'm not going to get angry... I'm going to let it be; it is what it is. Does this make me weak? Maybe in some peoples definitions but to me I'm going to be the bigger person. I now know the boundaries set in place by this person and I will forever and always keep those in the back of my mind.

I've also realized that I will always, and I do mean always, be looked at as the bosses daughter. Some, and most, people think that this comes with the best perks in the world. Though it may come with perks, the cons much out weigh all else. They don't have to answer to anything and everything small or large that goes wrong. When they go home for the day they get to leave work at work, unfortunately my work stays in my blood stream. In the end I know that it amounts to nothing less than jealousy.

I'm not going to bad mouth or say anything that I wouldn't say to someones face. If others want to continue to do so about me, that's fine. God is on my side and I have a family that will forever and always stick beside and behind me through thick and thin. Unlike them, I will lay my head down on my pillow at night still holding onto my dignity and self respect. I feel its rather sad and unfortunate that others do not get to do the same because of the choice of words that they decided to let leave their lips and expose into the world.

Diva downer

I haven't felt this ugly in a long time.
I haven't felt this fat in even longer.
It wasn't too long ago I felt this worthless, but it's here too.
And right around the corner is worthlessness' favorite companion...
Feeling so small.

No I haven't posted in a while, bend me over and fuck me, I'm sorry. Maybe the next post will be divalicious all over again. But for now I'm going to remain being a Debbie downer Diva downer.

I want to do this:






Because I feel like this:






But I don't want to end up like this:






I have high hopes that this feeling will go away...soon, like tomorrow.


images provided via Google Images

Let's vent.

Can I just say I fucking hate passive aggressive people. If you're going to be a bitch just come right out and be one. People would have a lot more respect for you. It's called having the balls to say what you really mean instead of trying to go about it in a "nice" way but people really know what you're fucking doing. Maybe I'm the only one who sees the big picture here, I'm not blindsided by your words.

Everyone's pissing me off. Literally.
I could beat somebody up and not think twice.
I could shove my foot down someones fucking throat and laugh while doing so.

I'm just that pissed.

Happier news: my vagina is healthy.
Even happier news: my blogoversary is coming up on the 25th, so stay tuned in for a giveaway announcement. Get fucking excited.

Till then, I'm off to overdose on cough syrup and start to feeling realll goood.


adios, bitchessss

poor vagina

I don't know about y'all but I am the most impatient little bitch there ever was. Which its funny that I'm posting this today because yesterday I was just preaching to K about how he needs to just be patient. Anyways, I'm trailing off here, I'm currently sitting at my doctors office waiting for the raping of my vaginal area, also referred to as a "well woman's visit" or "pap smear". My gyno is located in just a regular family physicians office thus meaning I'm in the waiting room with a bunch of sickies. As I'm sitting here I can feel the germies just floating around. I better not get even more sick after this, i'll be one pissed impatient little bitch.

Anyways, as much as I go to the doctors you would think that I would be use to this shit. But I freaking hate waiting a damn hour just to have my vag raped. The last time I scheduled a rape I ended up leaving after waiting two hours. What the hell are they possibly doing back there? Was there another rape booked before mine? Because if so that bitch must have one hairy bush that they have to take a weed eater to first. I'm just saying, what else would be taking so long?

As long as the assholes doctors make me wait, I'll end up dying in this bitch. At least its decorated nicely. Sigh.

freaking bitch

Today has been a series of "...freaking bitch" moments. Elaborate shall we? You know those things that just randomly happen and all you say to yourself is, "...what a bitch!" yeah, that's my freaking bitch moments.

It all started at work, as it normally does, I had two order placements go out this morning. One a delivery, the other a pickup. So as I go about my morning I go to find out what all I need. Tell me why I mistakenly make way too much for an order because I mistook the item for something else. Oh hell. ...freaking bitch.

My face, yes that beautiful thing that it is, is breaking out like a 15 year old teeny bopper that is in the midst of a bad case of puberty. ...freaking bitch.

Tell me why every time I work extra hours at work and get less sleep I end up getting sinusitis? Hard work, lack of sleep...freaking bitch.

Speaking of the sinusitis deal, I went to the doctor today. Why the hell do I need to fill out 3 pages of paperwork every time I go to the doctors office. Come on now, this isn't my first rodeo... I'm here at least one a month! ...freaking bitch.

Oh no, I'm not done with this doctor bullshit yet. Tell me why the front desk "nurses" were acting like snobby little cunts. Seriously, you're sitting on your fat ass playing on a computer with the occasional answering of the phone and maybe a few views of some paperwork. Yes, you have every reason to be snobby (rolling eyes and laughing) NOT. ....freaking bitch(es)

I could seriously keep ranting about my freaking bitch moments, but I'm going to stop now before I raise my blood pressure by getting angry all over again Ha!

Hope y'all are having a fabulous Tuesday bitches! :)