Now I could list a bunch of fawk you's today and ramble on about each individual one or I could post one huge post about the number one thing going on right now that I want to tell to fawk off. I'll go with the number one thing that has peeved me this week so that way it won't be a mile long post. I want to entertain you, not take half of your morning up. So without further adieu I'll give you a letter to my self absorbed coworker that I would actually consider giving and saying all of this to if I knew it would cause trouble with the big man....
Dear SAB (self-absorbed bitch),
Thank you so much for always being there for me as well as everyone else that works for you. Don't let your head get too big quite yet, I'm talking about being there to tell The Big Man every time any of us mess up the slightest bit, or possibly my favorite when you're there to make shit up in your head that we did just to give yourself some horns to hold up that golden halo you wear so proudly. Thank you so much for helping us tell our personal problems, if you will, that we expose to you in confidentiality. You really know how to draw the line for us, making us do less work, thanks for the extra hand. Thank you for telling The Big Man that I was being a bitch towards you. Just because I'm not stuck up your stretch marked ass anymore doesn't mean that I'm being a bitch to you. If you would actually call and get to the fucking point instead of dicking around maybe I wouldn't get so hasty. I could go on and on with thanking you for truly showing you self absorbed, ignorant, immature colors but I'll end with my favoritest thank you of all. Thank you for talking behind everyones back expecting it to not get back to us. How about for five minutes you get off The Big Man's nuts and grow a set of your own. Oh wait you're too big of a little bitch to do so. Thanks for making work so pleasant. Yours truly.
Now go through and change all the thank you's to fawk you's. Better yet go ahead and get dirty and say FUCK YOU.
If you consider my letter mean or bitchy, trust me what I said was extremely sweet and nice compared to how I and the rest of my employees actually feel.
I hope everyone has a fawking fabulous weekend. Mine? I'll be working. Let's just hope I don't have to do too much dealings with SAB.