A VS. J

I've recently found someone that I think is pretty special. Well, actually I've been catching up with that person that I think is really special. However, what happends? The game that all single 21 year old single females hate. This special person is J. He's hilarious, he has a lot of qualities that I would expect to see in my future husband, and needless to say extremely charming.

Then there's A. I met A through work and became acquainted with him. Eventually it led to interest. However the more I got to know A the more I wish I didn't know A and the more I wanted to get away from A. (However, he works next door to me... real convenient, eh?)

So the game? A wants to be with me, I want to be with J, and J isn't interested in more than friends. SERIOUSLY! I have tried my patience. I know that God has someone planned for me but seriously, for some reason I can't stop thinking about J. I literally think of him all day long like a little girl in high school... it's rather ridiculous with a twist of irony because that's where I actually met J.

Story of J:
It was my senior year and I absolutely hated the school I attended. I got to my fourth period class and was ready to shoot somebody. In walks J, at the time my best friend that just so happened to be in the same class sitting right next to me called him hot boy. (insert giggles). At the time I was with my high school sweetheart and had been for a year and a half. (whom lived an hour away and went to a totally different school) So here's this new kid that is fine as hell, i'm not available however would like to pounce on him like a cheetah in high tops... yes... i just said that. Continuing onwards! J is seated across the walkway from me and all I can do is stare at him through algebra. Eventually we got a new seating arrangement and guess what? I was placed right behind J who sat right beside M (my friend) who sat beside L (best friend) who sat beside me. So there the foursome sat. The back of his head looked just as good as the front... hahaha ok jk anyways. So we all started talking. J and I ended up bonding and becoming pretty good friends but remained just as that because I was in a committed relationship. *Drum Roll* Boyfriend and I breakup. J knew I was somewhat upset but trying to keep my head up about it so he invited me over after school. We sat in his basement for about an hour before I had to leave for work as he walked me out to my car he pushed me against the hood and gave me the most passionate kiss I've ever had in my 18 year old life. Yet, we remained just friends because he was starting to get involved with another girl prior (don't worry it wasn't serious though).

Fast forward: over the past 2 years we've lost contact due to this girl. Turns out they dated for a long while and eventually she got pregnant. A year later, this past October of 09, after many suspicions a DNA test confirmed it wasn't his. In early July J contacted me on Facebook and ended up apologizing for his shadiness that took place throughout our loss of contact. We've now been hanging out every weekend, because during the week our schedules conflict. The more I'm around him the crazier about him I get. I keep thinking that nothing happened between us before because it just wasn't the right timing. Now J has informed me that he doesn't want a relationship for a long time because he wants to finally live the life that he didn't get to for a whole year. I can't say I blame him, but I just wish he felt for me the way I felt for him. I feel like that pretty reasonable thinking for a single 21 year old female that is absolutely nuts about a guy. However, that's not in the works for me right now.

I just wish I knew who my soulmate is. I'm so curious and anxious that I don't want to wait, however I question myself if I'm really ready for that right now in my life. As my mom always says, it'll work out in the wash.