What, why?

I haven't seen J in a couple of weeks. My feelings have faded and I try to forget about them all together. However he's on his way here and all I can think about is that gut wrenching feeling that won't go away. I have that pressure in my chest that makes me feeling like my heart is on the verge of exploding. Why now? Why couldn't I have already gone through the emotions? Instead I'm trying to sit here and ignore them and putthem in the back of my head with every chug of beer I take. I feel like I can't even interact with him anymore without being wierd. Possibly cause we were friends for so long and so close and now all of a sudden my heart wants to mess everything up.

Now he's here and I don't know what to do or say except to end this blog post and try to pull myself together.

Hmph.