ZzZzZz...

I feel completely beat. I guess from where I've done nothing but rest for the past two weeks due to being sick work tonight really took it's toll. I only worked for five hours but I still feel ran down. Oh well, I gotta get back into the groove somehow.


Other than work I've done basically nothing today. I woke up and played with Jacob for a minute until he gave up and fell asleep haha. It was precious though because he had his pacifier in his mouth and he would just doze off for a minute and then start sucking his pacifier then dose back off... and the pattern continued. I can't help but to love him more and more everyday. As soon as I woke up I walked over to him and he just sat there and gave me the biggest smile. Today he turned exactly three months old and I feel like it was just yesterday he was coming home.
On another note. My sister just had to bring up mine and Jonathan's break-up as soon as I got to work. Of course, I ended up falling apart all over again. My mom had apparently told her about it because my mom was the only one that knew and my sister tried to slide it in there life oh hey what are you doing when you get off work... oh well why aren't you going to Jonathan's... yeah okay I've been her sister for 21 years I know how she works. She was trying to juice me, I'm not dumb. Plain and simple I told her and everyone else that was currently present in the room that Jonathan and I were no longer together and that I was leaving it at that until I was completely ready to talk about it. Everyone left it at that because it was apparent that I was coming unglued. It's been two days since the whole thing happened and let's be honest, I'm still a wreck. I absolutely hate knowing that I love him with all my heart and that he loves me just as much yet here we are split up. I almost want to be mad at God for putting him in my life just to take him away. Yet, I find that somehow I can't be mad. I can't be mad at God and I can't be mad at Jonathan. I don't blame Jonathan for wanting to leave Clarksville... there's nothing to offer here, Tennessee in general, really.

Okay the tears are starting to flow. My thoughts are going a million miles per hour. I can't think straight at all. I'm off for the night.