Good, Bad, & Ugly

Today has been wierd. It's been good, it's been bad, it's been ugly. I had a good day at work. Most of my customers were nice, minus the one bad apple I encountered but I didn't expect less. However the bigger issue in hand has been Jacob Riley. Let's start this off by saying I love this little boy more than anything in the entire world. I never knew the amount of love I was capable of having until he was brought into this world as well as my life. I love this little man as if I were the one that carried him for nine months and had the morning sickness and all. However, some things are not going according to planned. My mom had agreed to keep Jacob while my sister goes to work. She works from 7-3 Monday-Friday. In the beginning it sounded like the best idea possible. My mom is a stay at home mom/house wife and it would keep Jacob from having to be placed into daycare where all sorts of illnesses are being passed around from the flu to chicken pox and unfortunately H1N1. Needless to say someone that is watching him in daycare is not going to be able to provide the love and attention that my mother, his grandmother, could.

However, somethings got to give. All day long we play musical chairs with him. If he's not happy sitting in his swing, we put him in the play pin, if he's not happy there we move him to his bouncy seat, if he's not happy there then we move him to his bed... this goes on from 6AM to 4PM... 5 days a week. My mom can't get anything done around the house or anything that she wants to do (in which she has every right to do, she's already raised her kids...). Anyways long story short my mom can't take it anymore. I don't blame her. She constantly stressed and really it's a bigger deal then it sounds as told. Well this afternoon my mom finally through in the towel and said that she doesn't enjoy keeping him anymore because it stresses her out and she doesn't get to enjoy him because she's too busy mothering him. She agreed to keep him 3 of the 5 days however, my sister flipped out! She raised her voice and started literally yelling at my mother and finally my mom told her to "get the hell out of my house". Once again, I don't blame her. So there's been this huge uproar at home and it's driving me crazy. Poor little guy. I love him so much but my mom is getting too old for this. Sure she's only in her forties but still, it's not my moms place to take part in raising him as much as she is. What it boils down to is my sister is very ungrateful for all that my mom has done and all the money that my mother has saved her and somehow she just doesn't see that.

On another note. I'm suppose to call Jonathan back but for some reason I don't want to. I don't really care to talk to him right now. I'm not mad at him or anything like that but for one night I would like to be able to go to sleep without it involving tears and a stuffy nose. I want to be able to wake up for one morning not feeling hungover because the night before I cried myself to sleep so hard that it caused a migraine. I would like to be able to wake up one morning without swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks. I want my sanity back. I want to be able to stand on a solid ground without feeling like the ground is about to crumble. I've never been so tore up over a guy this much in my entire life. I feel like a little high school girl still blabbing about it. What am I suppose to do? My heart is hurting so much to the point I feel like it's literally broken. I didn't choose to not be with him nor did he choose to not be with me. It just so happened that our paths crossed and now all of a sudden they're going to opposite directions. As much as I want to, I just can't be mad at him for following his dreams. Just like he can't be mad at me for wanting to stick by my family. Blah okay, end subject. No tears, remember?

Tomorrow I going to be pulling a double shift. Hey, I'm not complaining! Hello dollar signs! For some reason though my legs are killing me. Probably from all the running around I did tonight. Ewfff. But yeah, so I'm going to head off here and catch some zzz's. Hopefully I can fall straight to sleep. I drank two beers to make me calm down and get a little sleepy, so maybe just maybe it'll put me straight to sleep. Dear thoughts, please do not invade my brain and keep me from a good nights rest. Kthanks.

Oh, oh! I almost forgot! Wal-mart is carrying a new makeup line in the place of Max Factor, it's called Eye Candy, or some shit like that, I forgot. But anyways, I bought some of their mascara tonight. I hope it works good. Oh and also, I bought that L'oreal roll on foundation just for shits and giggles. I use M.A.C. but I was super interested to see how it works out. Hey if it's cheap but works good, workkk it girllll. *okay let's be real, nothing beats a good ol' MAC foundation... and I do mean nothinggg!* Okay, I'm done.

Goodnight all. :]