"What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? "
All of a sudden I'm asking myself the question "what if?" in reference to J. All along we've been friends yet all along I've wanted to be with him. I've never expressed my feelings towards him to him. So now my question is this, what if? What if I were to tell J how I really feel? With me being a hopeless romantic I want to say that he'll have the biggest smile on his face in the world and tell me he's wanted to tell me the same all along. However, realistically I can only see him and our friendship grow distant and isolated. What if I never told him? Is it possible that what could have been could never be? Do I really want to take the chance on risking everything?
I've talked to a select few about the situation yet everyone says the same thing, tell him. Why can it not be that easy? I'm in a complete battle with myself. Do I risk losing a friendship because he doesn't feel the same? Would I rather keep him as my friend because I rather cherish having him in my life then not having him at all? Do I keep quiet, continue to be just a friend, and always have that constant reminder of what will never be? Honestly, if I were to tell him how I felt only to find out the he doesn't feel the same I don't know if I could still be his friend. I think the sharp end of the knife would cut too deep and too fast for me to ever be able to communicate with him the same. Yet what if he's fighting in the same battle? What if he feels for me yet is too nervous to say anything? J is a pretty shy guy when it comes to stuff like this.
I've shed so many tears over this whole matter that I should probably buy stock in some Puffs Plus. I don't want to battle this anymore. My patience is wearing thin. I just want him to
Relationships are never easy. Friendships, romance, and even family... none of them come easy. However, this time I really wish God would lay out a blue print for me and help a clueless, hopeless romantic girl out.
Let's pull out some Dr. Phil, let me know what you think I should do. Right now I could use any type of advice.
Hope everyone had a fabulous friday!