Today Honey and I will be attending Chuck E Cheese for Jacob Riley's second birthday. The last time I was there, I got kicked out because I didn't have a kid too old to play, too young to have a kid. I guess if I were a parent I wouldn't want little snot nosed high schoolers clouding my child's playtime either, however at the time I was devastated. Speaking of Jacob Riley, I finished, or thought that I did anyways, his Christmas shopping yesterday. I had to pick up some wrapping paper to wrap his birthday present and while perusing around to waste a little time I came across a $5 mini-potato head. Ding ding ding! Perfect little gift to top of his others. I come home and decide to wrap his birthday gift. I bought Cars wrapping paper so I could also use it for his Christmas gifts as well, I like to get the most for my money. So I'm through with wrapping his Christmas gifts as well, all but the potato head and as I get halfway through with it...I realize the inevitable happened. Yes, I fucked up... I bought MRS. Potato Head!! What the hell I cant give is to him!? Though he's only two and wouldn't know any better, I know better and so will his parents. Oh the devastation. You see this wouldn't be that big of a deal except the other day I went to go buy the "last finishing touch gift" and as the cashier went to ring it up she looks at me and tells me that they hadn't had a chance to pull it from the shelf but the toy had been recalled. What the hell?! I was excited over the gift too, it was a race car wheel and it vibrated and had blinkers and everything. It was the ultimate
Via google images
So yesterday I rearranged Honey's entire room, cleaned the baseboards, washed clothes, washed his work clothes....everything. When asked if he liked his newly arranged room, his response? "yeah it's fine, as long as I can still get in bed and watch tv and go to sleep it's good" really?! I spent all that time for that response? Fail. This morning I had to run to the DG to get coffee filters because I was out. I wanted to start my day with coffee and a cigarette and yet I was out of filters, typical yet not the point. So as I'm leaving Honey asks me if I wanted to stop and get breakfast. Upon realizing that neither of us were in the mood for greasy sonic or sugar overloaded donuts he decided to settle for a bowl of cereal or oatmeal. When buying my filters I decided I would try to, once again, do something nice for him and cook pancakes for breakfast. Get home, drink coffee, talk to mom, smoke cigarettes, cook pancakes. Midway through breakfast I ask, "isn't this better than greasy sonic?" his response, "yeah its alright". What the fuck?! I'm almost ready to throw in the towel on cooking for him because out of the year we've been together I've received one compliment on my dinner. He made the comment yesterday after coming home from his parents house, "I should have got mom to give me some recipes for you". Kill me now. I'm not his momma. I'll never be his momma. And honestly he doesn't realize it but it's a huge slap in the face. And whether he's joking or not about my breakfast being less than satisfactory, it makes me feel less of a woman. I pay for the groceries to cook for him, I slave over the stovetop so he doesn't have to eat his basic chicken and rice that he has lived off of before I came along and all I get is, "it's alright", "should've got moms recipes", "I miss my moms cooking". A part of me wants to tell him to go fuck his mom then cause I'll never be her but the more rational side of me let's it go only for it to be brought up a day or week later. I may not be a chef but give me the time and practice and I'll become something close to it. Instead I feel like I'm getting set back a step every time I try and I don't really know why I haven't given up yet. I'm leery of even posting this because I'm afraid this will be one of the posts that Honey reads. However, this is my space and I'm venting!
By no means are we fighting, I'm just hurt on the inside by all of it. The last time I said something to him about be ungrateful for the things that I do for him he responds with the fact that I didn't have to do it and that he never asked me too. Not what I want to hear. I've hinted at the fact that it hurts my feelings for him to not like what I cook but he hasn't quite caught on yet. I just would like an ounce of appreciation. I would probably cook moe often if that was the case. Instead I'm extremely discouraged.
This post turned into something that was not previously planned but just kind of happened as I started ranting. Oh well. Hope everyone is have an awesome Sunday! I know I will be here shortly when I get to see the light of my life, my bundle of joy, my favorite person in the entire world Mr. Jacob Riley!
I put my iPhone camera on FaceTime and he was getting a huge kick out of seeing himself. Who couldn't love those chubby cheeks and head full of hair?
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